Al-Fatihah To Our Beloved Ahmad 'Abid Qiwaidir Bin Abdul Latif

Honestly I really don't know how and from where to start. Alhamdulillah, I had safely given birth to our first child, 'Abid on Wednesday, May 14th, 2008 at 8.09 a.m in Iida Municipal Hospital, Iida City, Nagano-ken. Alhamdulillah, highest gratitude to Allah too that 'Abid was more than perfect and so beautiful when he was born..... only that Allah has fated that it was enough to borrow 'Abid to us for 38 weeks and 1 day only. As of today, it has been a week since I gave birth to 'Abid and it also has been 5 days since his burial in Yamanashi-ken. Truly, this has been the most difficult time in our lives but no matter how hard it is we keep striving to recuperate ourselves. As weak servants of Allah, sometimes it is hard for us to believe of what had happened and I do confess that I was really devastated upon accepting the reality. Especially when 'Abid and I sailed on a very smooth pregnancy and we both were healthy. Even the doctor couldn't confirm the exact reason why healthy 'Abid was born stillbirth. Only Allah knows best. We were so confused indeed. It is so surreal to us moreover when everything took place just like in the blink of an eye. Nevertheless, deep down in our hearts we already accepted the fate bestowed upon us right away after we received the never expected news. Maybe this is what is best for us and 'Abid. Somehow maybe we should be grateful as we and 'Abid have been the chosen ones to be bestowed by this wonderful blessing by Him. Even if 'Abid is still alive..... someday he will still be taken away from us..... only that we never know how and when. Now 'Abid had already gone..... in the best way a man can think of. What more can we ask? That is what we think of everyday every time we feel like missing 'Abid to the bits.

Although we wished 'Abid as a child as the one who would send us to the cemetery someday, Allah had decided that it was going to be the other way round. It is really hard indeed... but we never thought that Allah wants to present us an angel who will be waiting for us in the hereafter instead. There are so many things that we have learned along the way of what had happened. I pray that this will teach us to be better Muslims with better faith from day to day. There are hikmahs behind of what had happened which we have yet to discover. I pray that someday we will be able to get into jannah..... to meet our beloved 'Abid that we miss during each and every second of our hearts beating. I pray that 'Abid is now placed at the best place in heaven near to Allah. I pray too that 'Abid will always pray for the well-being of us, the parents so that he can manage to get us to be at the same place with him. Even though we never got the chance to shower our love to 'Abid like most parents do, but we feel so grateful that Allah gave chance to us to perform jenazah bathing to 'Abid in the bathroom, to wipe 'Abid after being bathed in the bedroom, to buy the white clothes for kafan at the suppa, to cut the white clothes for kafan in the hall, to arrange the kafan clothes in the hall, to kafan 'Abid in the hall and put jasmine smell perfume on 'Abid..... all by ourselves alone at our home. Also the chance given by Allah for Papa himself to bring jenazah 'Abid on a 2++ hour journey alone to Yamanashi-ken, for Papa to dig 'Abid's grave alone himself, for Papa to lead the jenazah prayer for 'Abid, for Papa to carry and bury 'Abid in 'Abid's grave and for Papa to lead do'as recital for 'Abid at 'Abid's grave. We still can't believe it that we actually really did experience those things. We will never forget such a very magnificent experience Allah and 'Abid had presented us with, Subhanallah! Alhamdulillah, with the help from Allah we manage to perform our responsibilities during our last moments with 'Abid smoothly. Even though there might be flaws at here and there but that were the best that we could do and we pray that Allah will accept our deeds.

Here, I would like to take the chance to express our highest appreciation and gratitude to those who have involved either directly or indirectly along the way during the process of managing jenazah 'Abid from the beginning until the end and for all the words of sympathy and encouragements which always keep us warm in the hearts and help us gain back to ourselves.....

Thanks to the medical teams especially midwives, Tabata-san and Ichikawa-san in Iida Municipal Hospital who had gave their best to help save me safely delivered 'Abid and never stopped giving their concerns and encouragements to me,

Thanks to Farhan, friends and Yusuf-san in Yamanashi-ken who gave their best in helping hubby to manage jenazah prayer and burial for 'Abid form the beginning until the end,

Thanks to Kak Azra and husband in Asakusa for assisting us with all the information of the right way in managing a jenazah,

Thanks to Murni, Kak Sofea and Kak N for all the information given which makes easy for us to find way on managing jenazah 'Abid,

Thanks to dear friends, blogger friends, silent readers and all others for all the wishes of sympathy and encouragements conveyed.

Thank you so much deep from the bottom of our hearts to all of you very wonderful people presented by Allah during our hardest time of lives. Please accept our apology too for all the hassles that we have caused to some of you. Although to some of you we never met yet but we are so touched by the concerns conveyed. All your efforts given might be small to you but you never knew how much those efforts given were really meaningful and brought huge relieve to us, Alhamdulillah. It is more than words can say of how much we really appreciate the kindness of you guys..... I am speechless I must say. Only Allah can repay back all your kindness with the best blessings from Him. Maybe some of the said people don't even know the existence of this blog but I pray for all the best wishes and may Allah blesses all of you with more blessings and guides in life, InsyaAllah. Please help pray too that we both will always be strong, patient, and can gain fast 'recovery' so that we can get back on our knees as soon as possible, InsyaAllah.

'Abid Sayang..... you will always be missed by Mama and Papa forever, Al-Fatihah.