Happy Mother's Day To All Mothers In The World

Semalam adalah Hari Ibu. Ke hari sebelum tu? Honestly, it's not my tradition celebrating Mother's Day. Mungkin sebab tu tak berapa nak ingat tarikh Hari Ibu. Bila tengok sana-sini people mention pasal Hari Ibu baru tersedar. Bukan lah maksudnya saya tak menghargai Ibu. Setiap hari saya doakan Mama saya dan ahli keluarga yang lain. Tapi sebab bukan kebiasaan. So, jadi janggal la sikit kot. Although ada yang kata ni semua budaya Barat sambut Hari Ibu sedangkan Ibu perlu diingati setiap hari. But personally bagi saya tak salah kita nak meraikan para Ibu pada satu hari yang tertentu. Tiap2 hari dah doakan Ibu dan ingat Ibu. Tapi ada ke hari2 kita raikan dia bagi kek ke, masak special ke, bagi hadiah ke, cakap I love you ke? Jarang kan? Jadi apa salahnya ada satu hari yang kita peruntukkan special khas untuk Ibu. Masa hari tu kita raikan dia dan buat dia rasa special. Baru lah dia rasa seronok and appreciated. Kalau tak tu hambar je takde apa2 sebab setiap hari pun sama je kan. Tapi tak semestinya Hari Ibu diraikan pada satu tarikh tetap je. Korang nak buat tarikh sendiri pun boleh. My point is... tak salah raikan Ibu pada tarikh tertentu macam Hari Ibu.

My idea of a great Mother's Day celebration adalah... bangun pagi... I would be greeted by husband and kids with a shout out of Happy Mother's Day Mama! There's a presents for me from the family especially the kids. A card conteng2 by the kids. Owh there's also a cake for me to cut and we have cake for breakfast. Then sepanjang hari saya rehat tak perlu buat apa2 kerja. We would go out shopping for myself... atau pun going to theme park etc together having fun as one family. Atau pun I'm sent to a spa to have a facial and body massage to pamper myself. Baru lah muka tu rasa berseri sket. Hilang lah sket segala blackheads and whiteheads. Badan pun rasa segar sebab hilang semua lenguh2 dan sengal2 tu. Untuk meals plak we eat out to have my favorite foods dekat restoran yang santai tapi mesra kanak2. We could take pictures of the day so that could I frame it. To end the day... I get a bouquet of flowers right before I go to bed. And owh... of course big hugs and lots of kisses from the family!

Indah kan? :)

But no... just in my dream :) Even my kids still don't know pasal Hari Ibu apatah lagi nak faham tentang Hari Ibu.

Last Friday... at kindy kawan2 Ihsan sibuk buat kad Hari Ibu for their mom. Teacher did mention that Ihsan tantrum sebab tak dapat kad. Then only I figured out Ihsan didn't join the activity. Yelah dia tak pandai nak join if takde orang guide. Somehow... I'm sure he would be very excited kalau dapat conteng2 dekat kad tu. Tak kisah lah walaupun dia tak faham. Kalau dia nak tulis of course teacher yang kena guide pegang tangan. Teacher could help Ihsan paste a picture of flower or anything on the card. I'm sure Ihsan would be extremely happy. And of course... I would be so much happy if I found the card when I check his school bag.

Tapi... takde.

It's okay son. Without a wish... without a card... I know you always have a big heart loving me as your mom. A love that's so sincere from a very pure heart. Tak sama macam kasih sayang orang lain. 'Abid, Ihsan and Aisyah, thanks for making me a MOTHER! Kid's, I will always love you with all my heart and soul. I'm not perfect. But I will always try to be the best mom.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mama and Ibu. Semoga sentiasa diberi kebahagiaan dan dirahmati Allah. Amin.

Where Are Those Pictures And Videos?!

Last night before sleep I suddenly decided to watch latest video of my kids that I just transferred into the laptop more than a week ago (I guess). Then I discovered that the videos that I wanted to watch wasn't there. I have tried to search in other folders etc but still couldn't find the videos. Then I looked closely at each picture one by one and yes just what I'm worried of, a few pictures also have gone. I don't really remember what pictures and videos that I have lost but one video that I can remember clearly is video of Widad having her first solid food. It's gone. POOF!!!

So... I was upset SO MUCH!!! Still I am now :( Feel like crying but there's not enough momentum to push the button. So, the feeling stuck inside there. I really don't understand how this happened. I remember that I transferred the pictures and videos but then how come some of them are not there? I'm sure this is because of some stupied tehcnical error. But of course I didn't do any deletion or whatsoever. Because I just did the transfer and that's all. I haven't organized the pictures, videos or the folders at all. I'm so confused, upset, regret and even angry to self for not being extra careful!

Widad doesn't have many intereting pictures, unlike Ihsan. Because we rarely go out so about 80% of Widad's pictures are taken at home. She doesn't have many videos too, unlike Ihsan. But even a few videos of her are in bad motion quality because I took her videos using my Canon Kiss X4. It doesn't produce good quality video. So many lags etc. Even the video of first moment of life also taken using that camera. I'm so regret. Many precious moments are gone and of course couldn't get them back. So guys, don't take video using Canon Kiss X4! I use my old Fujifilm camera to take video instead. 

Sorry baby!

I keep pictures of my kids' first 365 days of life. Sometimes I do forgot to take picture of the day. But I really can't accept this kind of carelessness to happen. Marahnya... kat diri sendiri. Grrr! Eh tak... nak marah kt laptop!!! :(

Hmmm takkan I have to think of getting another baby kot? O_0

PS - Teringat kisah benar a bisu father lost a newly-bought camera and datang semula kedai untuk minta replacement for new camera. He is naive and illiterate. Nak beli new camera dia takde duit. Sudahnya kena halau daripada kedai tu... Rupanya dia cakap kat wife dia nanti baby lahir nak ambil gambar. Dia cakap kat wife dia dah beli camera. Nak ambil pics of his newborn baby. Lagi kesian kan... Pengajarannya... pikiaq la sendiri, Mama.

April Is Autism Awareness Month

Tuesday, 2nd April was World Autism Awareness Day and April is World Autism Awareness Month. Banyak bangunan terkenal yang lit up in Blue such as empire State Building, New York Stock Exchange, Burj Al-Arab, Sydney Opera House, Egyptian Pyramids, Cork iconic buildings in Ireland, Japan's Twin Arch, Elvis' Graceland were all lit up in Blue. Students in China wore blue ribbons. Tapi... in Msia... it seems a bit... ordinary je kahhh! :P :P :P Nampak sangat Msia masih not so aware of Autism. Kata macam advanced benar Msia ni. Tidak lah sangat rupanya ye. Maybe as an individual I have to make more efforts to spread autism awareness.

So on last Tuesday we went to Alamanda Putrajaya for a short outing. Actually we didn't plan to celebrate the day pun. Kebetulan je hubby free waktu tu so kitorang decided to bring Ihsan and of course Aisyah too for social therapy cum behavior therapy. We wore blue although our blue masing2 tak berapa memenuhi the Autism's blue color hihi :P Except Aisyah I dressed her in pink. Actually our initial plan was nak bawak Ihsan jalan2 outdoor. Tapi memandangkan Msia ni always so hot kan. Tambah2 kalau tengah tengahari rembang memang saja seksa diri lah kalau nak jalan2 outdoor. Sini bukan Nihon wey nak berangan jalan2 tengok2 scenery. Kat Msia ni kalau nak jalan2 dalam taman memang lah sangat tidak saya gemari. Because I don't like hot and sweat. Nanti mood ku senang nk hot-hot gitu hihi :P

So once we reached Alamanda, we headed to food court untuk lunch. Then we went to the surau for Zohor prayer. After that we walked towards Parkson. Before reaching Parkson we stopped at an indoor playground. Lagi best sebab weekdays so tak ramai orang hihi :P Bagi Ihsan main2 kat situ. Seronok jugak dia punya playground tu. Sebab ada macam jaring2. Ihsan could walk on that but he was quite careless. Memang best kalau ada benda tu boleh jadi OT equipment yang sangat bagus. Sebab dengan benda tu Ihsan can practise being careful, practising proper grasp, hands-eyes-legs coordination, balancing etc. Perhaps someday we could install one like that at home. Lepas dah main2, kitorang jalan masuk Parkson sebab I wanted to survey for Mr. Potato toy for Ihsan and baby food blender for Aisyah. Sebab Mr. Potato tu ada guna masa ST. Tapi dua2 pun takde. Then finally we headed out.

Masa nak balik tu, singgah Burger King kejap tapau. Lepas tu bagi Ihsan main coin van gerak2 tu. Lepas tu dah balik... :D Hihi nampak macam takde apa2 je kan? Memang takde apa2 pun. But it was a good outing. Memang kitorang takde apa nak cari. The main objective was to bawak Ihsan jalan2. Which is specifically nak train Ihsan to stay put and behave himself. Sepanjang berjalan hubby yang banyak controlled Ihsan sebab Ihsan lebih dengar cakap hubby. Hubby lebih calm dan senang nak kejar. Kalau saya, gelabah sikit kot dan susah nak kejar kalau Ihsan lari. Most of the times masa keluar Ihsan boleh ikut bontot hubby. Ikut arahan. Takde lari2 uncontrollably. But of course dia ada tendencies untuk wonder away. Tapi kami bagi dia jalan jugak. Tak terlalu menghalang sebab nak bagi jugak peluang untuk dia bebas dan explore. Standard lah budak2 umur macam Ihsan ni macam2 benda dia teringin nak buat dan tengok even kalau budak typical pun.

Kitorang observe dari jauh. Cuba panggil2 tapi kalau dia tak datang dan pergi jauh sangat baru hubby pergi ambik dia and warned him dengan tegas. Ada waktu kitorang sembunyi sebab nak tengok dia akan cari kita balik ke tak. Ada waktu dia cari which is bagus lah sebab dia ada rasa takut etc. We constantly saying to him 'pegang Papa' or 'pegang Mama' etc. Waktu makan pun dia boleh duduk kat kerusi. Ada lah sesekali jalan2 tapi dia datang balik. In fact masa beli foods pun dia ikut hubby. boleh lah tunggu sebelah hubby. Waktu solat pun hubby bawak dan dia boleh stay around there. Alhamdulillah Ihsan has improved A LOT dalam hal ni. Kalau dulu terfikir nak makan luar je rasa macam 'arghhh tak payah lah!'. Sebab Ihsan tak boleh duduk diam langsung. Sekarang maybe sebab dia pun dah matang sikit kot. Tapi tu lah... dengan hubby lah. Kalau dengan orang lain even saya pun susah sikit. In fact saya sendiri rasa tak yakin nak bawak dia jalan2 sorang2. Letih kalau dia buat perangai tak nak dengar cakap tu.

From the outing I learned that I myself should learn to be more calm. Sebab nak handle budak macam Ihsan ni kita kena calm dulu baru lah dia calm dan dengar cakap kita. Kalau kita kalut dia pun akan jadi double kalut dan rebel tak nak dengar cakap. Kita kena maintain dominan. Sebab diorang ni pandai manipulate. Dia tau kat mana kita lemah or lose control mula lah dia buat perangai comel2 tu. Dalam melatih Ihsan to stay put ni... kita tak boleh terlalu keras. As like macam main layang2. Kita lepas sikit, lepas tu kita tarik balik sikit slowly. Kita kena bagi dia masa dan tak boleh terlalu drastik. Bila kita perlu firm, kita cakap dengan tegas tapi jangan jerit. Kalau perlu jentik sikit2 tu takpe hihi :P Sebab dia tetap kena belajar ada benda kita boleh tolerate tapi ada benda yang 'no is no!'. Hopefully Ihsan will continue to improve. So... macam tu lah kitorang kalau keluar jalan2 ye... Bukan nak shopping ke apa ke... tapi nak train Ihsan :D Tugas outing ni hubby yang incharged. Saya adalah assistant je. Kat rumah Mama yang incharge. Kat luar Papa lah pulak :D

Last time Papa bawak Ihsan outing kat Alamanda berdua je. Kisahnya waktu nak solat, Ihsan terlepas ke tengah2 saf. Papa tak dapat nak tarik. Ihsan pergi tuggang Pak Imam. Dah puas tungang dia pergi julur kaki dia kat tengah2 kaki Pak Imam macam yang dia dok buat kat kitorang kat rumah. Lepas tu dia boleh pulak main cak-cak dengan makmum. Dia geram tengok kepala makmum tu and tangan dia dah ready nak gosok2 kepala brader tu tapi nasib baikkk Papa sempat tarik dia kahkahkah! Perghhh tak tau lah aku nak cakap apa. Tepuk dahi! Tapi benda dah lepas and we had a good laugh about that and of course more hard work has to be done hihihi :P. Kalau Papa dapat train Ihsan to stay put masa Papa solat kat surau sampai Papa habis solat. That would be kejayaan yang sangat besar lah. Papa, gambatte ne! Mama bagi mandat ni kat Papa :P

Why Do You Blog?

In a few hours March 2013 will end. So I have about half an hour to make an entry for this month. Yup, seems like my aim to update blog regularly has gone down the drain. Unbelievably I haven't updated anything since past 1 month. More than that to be exact. Anyway... lots to tell but I'm lost and drown in all the thoughts cramped in my mind. So... it's the end of March school holiday. Tomorrow school will start to open. I'm glad Ihsan can go to school tomorrow so that perhaps he could have a more interesting day rather than staying at home. Except the fact that I don't really feel happy he is attending that kindergarten. Every time my mind thought of this, I would feel like... hmmm. Well, never mind. Owh we didn't go anywhere during the school holiday. As usual, we just stayed at home. My parents and brother came from Sungai Petani and stayed here a week. Furthermore, Ihsan had speech therapy appointment on last Thursday. So, I rather felt like to just stay at home.

Anyway... it came across my mind quite some times recently of why we blogger, blogs at the first place? I'm sure we can see that people use blogging platform for so many reasons. But myself... I blog merely for personal reason. I just like to blog freely. You know... let off my steam, express my thoughts, jot down sweet memories, simply blab randomly, curse during bad days and so the likes. That is why at the first place I named my blog The Little Secret. Yes, somehow I do share bit and pieces of my life with others, right? But what I blog is only 10% from my actual life. I don't blog everything. Because I believe that everyone must have secrets that they must keep solely to themselves no matter how small the secret might be. 

Sometimes I browsed and read my posts on the past years. A few makes me ashamed, a few makes me happy, a few makes me sad, a few makes me feel funny and ridiculous and all other sort of emotions. Somehow I could see every each and little transition of my life. From one chapter to another. It makes me feel like 'woah I've come to this far!'. What dread me a lot is some memories do make you feel like missing. You miss that moment of your life. You miss... surely because of the thing that you no longer could feel, get, see, watch, taste, smell and hear. Because the thing that you miss might be somewhere else, gone forever, lost or... changed. Now, forget everything... sometimes I just wished that some things never changed... If only I could do something about that...

Anyway... well... each people has their own reason of why they blog. We should respect each other. As well as how I wished people respect me of why I blog and how I blog. I don't  blog because of you... not because of others... but for myself. So, don't tell me how I should blog.

My First Priority

Habis laaa dah pukul 1 lebih tapi tak tido lagi. Esok karang ada pulak yang tak gi skool. Ehhh orang lain yang tido lewat orang lain yang tak gi skool apa hal ni? hihi :P Anak2 dah lama tido. Mama dia je melagho. Ehhh tak lah. Buat apa2 patut ni ha. Waktu macam ni lah kelam-kabut nak buat itu ini pun. Kalau waktu dua2 orang berjaga memang tak dapat lah. Waktu Mama tengah kritikal bertungkus-lumus nak siapkan kerja (kan nak jadi WAHM berjaya katanya kan? :P) waktu tu lah dia datang bawa buku cerita hulur kat Mama sambil senyum. Haaa I really couldn't say NO okay. Kalau cakap NO dan teruskan buat kerja harus lepas tu rasa bersalahhh ya amat dan teringat2. Even kalau dapat siapkan kerja pun masih terasa something is missing somewhere. Jadinya stopped lah buat kerja dan baca buku tu. Kalau kita ngelat langkau2 muka surat dia tau plak tu. Bila dah bacakan tu kena baca dengan aksi dan perasaan. Selagi tak cukup syarat dia takkan buka next page. Makanya gigih lah bacakan buku cerita tu walaupun dalam hati dok cakap 'cepat lerrrrr!' Si kecik Aisyah ni plak tak berapa nak sihat. Memang merap aje memanjang. Dah tu dah besar lah sangat kan. Jadi dia pun dah pandai lah sangat. So dia memang nak berdukung je. Kalau dunia dia mendatar mula lah menjerit. Dunia dia mesti menegak ye. Budak ni badan tegap dan keras. Kalau duduk pun dah boleh sikit (with support) tapi meniarap sendiri tidak lah juga lagi. Sabar je lah

So macam tu lah. Walau macam2 mana pun my priority number 1 adalah untuk anak2. On top of that I have a special son. Jadi nak tak nak tak dapat nak mengelat. If he is typical... I would have said 'baca lah buku tu sendiri' or 'tunggu lah kejap' or 'gi lah main benda lain dulu' etc. Actually I do say all those things to him pun in fact I don't really want to think that he is special. So at times I would just treat him just like any other typical kid. Surprisingly dia faham plak tu. Although of course ada benda dia tak faham lagi kadang2 tu. But still... ignoring to his request won't help him towards his progress. Jadi that's why lah kena juga bagi attention to him. All the little efforts ni lah yang selama ni banyak membantu dia untuk progress. Talking about progress, Alhamdulillah Ihsan lately sangat2 behaved, patuh, cooperate, matang, less tantrum, less screaming etc. Selain tu banyak benda baru dia tunjuk yang dia boleh buat. Words also banyak yang keluar. In fact hari tu I was so teruja bila dia cakap, 'Ihsan wants to minum susu' sambil tangan pointing at susu dekat atas rak dengan kaki terkinja2. Nak tak nak Mama terpaksa lah bagi walaupun dia belum dinner lagi dan minum susu dulu telah menyebabkan dia tak habis makan his dinner. Alhamdulillah sangat. Maybe just nothing to others. But small achievement like this means a world to me. Sebab... phew... just to get him talk and pointing tu berbulan2 dan bermacam2 usaha perlu dibuat pagi petang siang malam! Alhamdulillah!

Hari ni entah angin apa melanda I started on potty training. Ihsan kalau theory nya dia faham. Tapi kalau praktikalnya fail. Dalam masa setengah jam siang tadi 2 kali mop lantai hahaha! Harus bersihhh je lantai rumah lepas ni. Kalau tak tu seminggu sekali nak mop pun belum tentu. Haa kan dah kantoi :P Selain tu I started on Iqra' 1. Selama ni belajar mengaji ikut sesedap rasa je mengajar. Tapi sekarang ni kena start belajar betul2 lah. Alhamdulillah dia dapat baca muka surat pertama dgn jayanya. Selain tu today juga dah start ajar makan guna fork and spoon. Bukan nak suruh dia jadi mat saleh. Dia boleh makan dengan tangan although tak lah sekemas kita yang dewasa ni. Tapi bayangkan lah kalau dah umur 15 tahun nak makan laksa or soup or puding pun nak guna tangan? Kan ke pelik dan hodoh benar tu. Jadi nak tak nak kena latih guna sudu dan garfu. Ihsan boleh buat cuma sebab tak biasa sebab tu dia tak suka kot. Motor skill issue lah ni. Ihsan does has motor skill issues which is 1 of the thing yang I'm struggling to tackle. Belum cakap bab sensory issue lagi haaa. Banyak benar issue nya. Behavior issue lah apa lah. Ihsan dah considered 4 years old this year. Memang nampak beza dia dengan typical kid yang lain. So nak tak nak kena mula lah starting this year kena lebih serious. Or else he will be left behind.

Ehhh bukan ke tadi rasa macam nak cakap pasal benda lain? hihihi :P Kalau dah cakap bab Ihsan memang tak boleh berhenti. Ok lah lain kali lah